She Picks Me Up

Guys are the ones who pickup girls. Its odd when a girl does it but deserves props, lots of guys in their lifetime wouldn't dare talk to a female strangers. When I go clubbing with my friends its fun to dance and pick up girls, we dont expect girls to approach us maybe at most they may give us a flirty glance or "bump" into us by accident. Tonic used to be the place to be a few years back. Several of my good friends, Ray, Covin, Justin, Brian, went one Saturday night to hang out after a long week of school. The weather was rainy and cold yet we hustled along to release our study stress. Usually my friends would hang out in a big circle to scare off all and any girls, called a cock fest. I prefer to break out with a buddy or by myself and check out the dolled up girls starving for my attention.

It was getting late, the club was closing soon, clock was showing 2 AM already. I was dancing with my friends when Shortygirl approaches, an asian 5. Shortygirl was prowling with her hot friend Kellygirl, an asian 8, we started dancing with each other, all three of us. We end up having a blast in a hot 3 way grind sandwich while my friends watched. Catching our breath Shortygirl and I started to talk. I found out that she was going to New Brunswick for school, then out of no where she hit me with the question. I was stunned and flattered at the same time. The question was If I wanted to be her boyfriend. Myself, just fresh out of a relationship and not not finding her all too attractive and not looking for a long distance relationship, I graciously rejected her offer. I was more attracted to her friend Kellygirl. Rejected Shortygirl hastily ran off, I felt bad for her but didnt want to lead her on. I talked to Kellygirl for a bit and got her contacts instead.

Shots With Sugar Daddy

Pedophile Pick Up

I was 18 and it was a warm summer day in Downtown Toronto, perfect weather to take a walk around my neighborhood. I put on a favourite T shirt, and stumbled to find some shorts to wear. After 10 minutes of digging I found a pair of White shorts that were neglected for years. Normally white shorts are not something I wear but these were the only shorts in my closet. 

Where I live there are many parks, it is the place to be if you are athletic and into running, cycling, inline skating, and sail boating. I start my walk up north from the foot of Bathurst and Lakeshore Blvd. There is an old steel bridge that crosses the CN train tracks on Bathurst and I swear there is always a foul smell coming from below the bridge. Imagine the smell of 100 homeless pissing and shitting the bridge, it is so bad that it is criminal. I don’t know how those who live under the bridge can stand it. Every time I pass by I hold my breath, I'd rather pass out from lack of oxygen then inhale airborne shit particles. Other then the smell the walk was perfect, the sun was out, the heavens clear.

Just as I got to King street I notice a late model, freshly washed, Mercedes roll by. The car slows down and stops, it is facing the opposite direction I was heading. Windows slowly roll down. I assume this guy is lost and needs directions so I walk closer to the opened windows. Peering inside I see a 50 year old man driving alone, he is dressed in casual clothing but looks someone who has a day job as a business executive. The man asks "Do you need a ride?" "No I don’t need a ride, I live close by" I reply. "I can give you a ride home" he retorts. I had a weird feeling starting grow inside. "No thanks" I say.

I was thinking to myself, did a grown man just proposition me? He did fit the stereotype of a Pedophile. Or was it that my white shorts were a gay signal like wearing earrings on your right ear is? That was the last time I wore white shorts on a walk.

Oars and Orgies

It was the summer of my youth, having tons of fun at the Royal Military College in Kingston with 300 other young wannabe sailors from all over Canada. Imagine Cub Scouts on steroids. I was in the Basic Sail program, daily activities included Marching, Sailing, marksmanship, medical assistance, and physical education. With me in my group were 26 others from all over Canada.

I quickly made friends with one guy named Freddy, He was a tall skinny guy with orange freckles all over his face, one of those who liked to joke around. Our group leader Sheera was a girl older by a few years who had a serious aura around her. She was competent and a no bullshit type of person. As our leader she spent a lot of time with us. During our marching practice she commands the group. Within the Sea Cadets, there is a lot of competition between groups. To stand out, every group had a signature act, ours was to yell out our own phonetic alphabet. Each cadet had their own word they were responsible for, mine was Oars. Our group would practice every chance we get, getting more and more cohesive as a group. Some idiots will inevitably mess up their alphabet halfway through and we would start all over from the top. Being the letter Oars it gave a lot time to prepare, It took some a long time to get their letter right on queue.

One day Freddy tells me "You know you can say Orgy instead of Oars, it means the same thing." Puzzled I looked at him and said "Really, I never knew." I asked others about it and they agreed. Bored of my word Oars, I thought what is wrong with trying a different word that means the same thing. During a rehearsal with Sheera I knew I was ready. It began like every other practice "ALPHA!" someone shouted, "BRAVO!" another uttered. All the way to "MIKE!", yet another screamed.  "NAVY!" the guy before me yelled. "ORGY!" I cried at the top of my lungs. Instantly the crowd erupted in laughter, the Alphabet stopped. Sheera was so embarrassed she ran away crying to the captain's quarters. I sat there puzzled, "what did I do." I was in big trouble. I ran to find Sheera with Freddy.

I felt bad for her. Reaching the Captain's quarters I explained what had happened to Sheera, Freddy felt bad too and said he was to blame as well. Knowing that we could be sent home we were relieved when we just had to run around the track 5 times as punishment. I ran the track with Freddy laughing about the incident. From that day on I learned what an Orgy really was.

Wayneisms - Quotes from the Horse's Mouth